7th December 2022, Wednesday

 Its 11:30 pm when i am writing this...

No matter how silly or how tough the doubt is or any query I always try to solve and tell to people who ask their doubts to me. I sometimes devote my important time to help others with their queries. and yes that's little stupid of me I guess. Normally I don't ak doubts to my friends because I know what will happen, they will not reply and so on. But at least I don't expect such things from people whom I consider very close and dear, but that's just too silly of me to do so, how I could forget that everyone is same, no one is here who is like ki I will help you, be it that you have some silly queries, but no, they just ask me their queries and when I ask, they make me feel like I am such a dumb person or such bad or such uneducated person, I know nothing. I never say anything to them because I know that nothing will happen, it will be for momentarily and again same process will continue. and if I say ki this is wrong and take strong step, they will just simply remove you or say replace you, they will surely find someone else. but you , who had no one except them would be alone. And they will make you feel like it was always you who was wrong.

i am very sensitive, very emotional, ok , no problem, but these are not bad qualities to have, at least I understand how people will feel beforehand in some situations.

Today my FM minor was also there, and apparently MCD Elections 2022, voting was also there, barricading was there all around, and police denied me from going to other side by rikshaw. so I had to walk 18 mins till college and I reached college at 11:15am, exam was at 11am, if it was rikshaw I would have been at college by 10:55am. But nevertheless I was allowed to write the exam, and exam did not go well, this whole week I am feeling like very bad and also not doing anything about it. i go to college, give exam, have lil laughs with my "friends" who at last also become like rest of people, come back and same cycle repeat.

MS exam was nice though.

Sometimes I also feel, like I also had someone who would understand me, listen to me, help me as well when needed, mutually both there for each other with respect always. Someone I could say ki had fun today spending time with them, I was not feeling excluded, feeling lonely, my kundali said ki I would find my true friend in my early 50s, I guess maybe this is what is destined to happen in my friendship relationship aspect of life.

Sometimes people about whom you care the most, are the ones to disappoint you because you had expectations and attachments.

Its better to be self equipped.

today at end of day I felt like I had done something wrong, did not know what but while walking home I felt, so I just wrote to my those friends that everything will be fine soon, both replied in a positive manner. I don't mean to brag and all, but see how it is, I feel guilty and sad on suh things and the there are them who do this to me.

I knew this happens but today I could not take it anymore. i felt very bad.

i decided to msg her right away about how I felt that what she did was although small thing but it did hurt me because I also want ki I get little reciprocity of actions that I deliver. in some things she really acts like one good friend. but things like this are small, but hurt me. bcz I also cater to her silliest os the silliest douts sometimes till 1 am, 4 am even, although maybe I should not expect same from her to do so, but at least do not ignore my texts/queries and override them by asking yours and writing please tell bhai with lots of emojis. i am always here and happy to help.

currently data is switched off, I have a feeling she must have responded, I will view it in morning or later abhi, after studying for CPC Minor on 8th December.

but this felt hurtful and wrong to me.

and now if she reads this, she will make me her enemy I know, but I hope you understand my point of view also and if I am wrong here, please clarify and correct me. Beacuse of this small incident, I can not let it hamper my friendship. i am still friends and a will always be a good brother.

but I felt bad and I wanted to express all thogts I had here and I did.

thank you...

i have exam tomorrow and already this see is going very bad, so lets end today's sad blog here and study for exam...

bye...